ALCOHOL FOR DUMMIES





AUTHOR - DON CLARKE



Let's face it, alcohol puts up a wall between one lousy day and the next. Or one good day and the next. Whatever. But it always amazes me how much confusion there is around the simple act of having a dop!





I've already pointed out in a previous article that, despite a myriad of ridiculous excuses, people really only drink because they like the EFFECTS. Because alcohol is actually a powerful DRUG. Yes folks, you can bleat on about being thirsty, loving the taste, doing it to be sociable, and using it as a way to relax, but the truth is you love it because it makes you STONED! Take the ethyl alcohol (ETHENOL) out of alcoholic beverages, and nobody would drink them. It's a simple as that.

But there is something else about this wonderful libation which seems to confuse some folks. How many times have you heard people say things like: "Beer makes me tired, brandy makes me aggressive, red wine makes me mellow, white wine gives me a headache, whiskey makes me frisky, etc. etc?" How can that possibly be when it is the SAME drug in all these alcoholic beverages? How can Ethenol made from grapes possibly make you feel different to Ethenol made from grain? Impossible.

Perhaps it has something to do with the QUANTITY of alcohol in the different beverages.


This is what these quantities look like:

Beers =3-10%

Wines = 8-14%

Fortified Wines = 16-22%

Spirits = 20-70%


So it stands to reason that if you drink beer you will get drunk more slowly because there is less alcohol BY VOLUME in it than wine. And although there is far more alcohol in spirits, one normally mixes spirits with water, soda or cool drink, which waters the overall drink down by a factor of about 10 to 1. So it stands to reason that you will probably get drunk fastest on wine. But do these different drinks make you feel different? I doubt it. Having said that, if you mix a spirit with Coke, you are introducing Caffeine, which itself is a drug, so the stimulating effects of Caffeine combined with the depressing effects of alcohol may produce a unique effect, but I can't be certain of this.

So what is my ultimate point? Well basically that Ethanol is Ethanol, and you should not fool yourself into thinking that the different varieties of alcoholic beverages will give you a different "trip".


Only the QUANTITY of alcohol in those drinks will. And then there are those people who have a drinking problem and shouldn't be drinking at all. They'll invariably say: "Yeah, well I'm only drinking beer these days, so no problem." Really? Sorry buddy, but this is a bit like saying: "I'm not really committing suicide because I'm pushing the knife into my heart so slowly!".


Beer has alcohol in it, even if it is only about 5% of the total volume of each beer, so all that's really happening is that you're consuming alcohol more slowly. And so ends the lesson for the day. Now who's gonna buy me a dop?!